literally had 100 drinks last night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
