if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
