I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
