My pussy is not your playground.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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