I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
