she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
