found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
