I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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