...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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