WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
