I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
