Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
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