1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Drunk is a universal language darling
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
