to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
