Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i barfeds in our rink
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
