Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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