u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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