capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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