I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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