did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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