umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
