i was born a porn star she said
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
