you guys were way drunker than both of me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
