My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
