So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize