Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
