i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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