me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
