I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
