You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
