im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
