I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
