Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
