I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
