My nipple is on Facebook.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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