Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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