I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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