Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
