I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
