is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
