theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
