just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Girls should come with a carfax report
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
