I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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