you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
