I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
