You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
