If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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