Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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