Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
