am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i would punch a child for taco bell
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
