How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
