WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
