That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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