I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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