Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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