just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
