He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
