this beer tastes like vomit already
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
