AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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