Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize