I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Are we still banned from the library?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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