but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
