Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
