What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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