I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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